Curse of the WanVino

I was given a bottle of Manny Being Merlot the other day. My aunt bought one of each bottle of the Longball Vineyards wines launched as charity projects by Manny Ramirez (the aforementioned Manny Being Merlot), Curt Schilling (Schilling Schardonnay), and Tim Wakefield (CaberKnuckle) of the Boston Red Sox, and offered them to my mother and sister during a recent visit. My sister claimed the Caberknuckle, the LV variety I was most interested to try, based in no small part on the review of the project by the noted culinary luminaries at Sports Illustrated (as noted in the issue I leafed through recently at The Greatest Barbershop in Berkshire County). My mother offered me a choice between the merlot and the (s)chardonnay. Intending no disrespect to Mr. Schilling, but given that my philosophy of white wine states that I’d sooner be beaten to death with an unopened bottle than drink the contents therein, I opted for the Merlot.

Here’s what the marketing copy has to say about Manny Being Merlot:

2005 Merlot, Lontue Valley, Chile

This estate-grown, hand-crafted merlot shows a deep red color with aromas of black pepper and ripe red fruit. The velvety and spicy finish matches perfectly with grilled meats, pastas and pizza.

And here are the tasting notes from the Bart Modern Test Kitchen:

Rubbing alcohol laced with Liquid Smoke(tm).

This is a thin and astringent wine. While The Lovely Wife claimed she detected the promised black pepper aroma, I will note that this wine is not so much spicy as throat searing. To the degree its finish is velvety, it accomplishes this in a way designed to mask the inevitable and proverbial iron fist around which this velvet has been wrapped.

In the end of course, no one should be under any illusion they’re getting something for their twelve bucks that would make Robert Parker stand up and take notice. That’s not the point, of course. The point of Longball Vineyards is to make some money for the charities sponsored by the participating Red Sox players. So, in the case of Manny Being Merlot, my aunt’s investment (or about 75% of it, according to the marketing materials) is going to support CHARLEE Homes for Children, a Miami-based charity “that provides therapeutic, residential, and supportive services to abused, abandoned, and neglected children within a safe environment in a community-based continuum of care.” I’m not entirely sure what that last part means, but it sounds like something I can get behind.